June (1 of 2): Small Group Discussion Guide
What Does It Mean To Be Born Again
This discussion guide explores Jesus' nighttime conversation with Nicodemus in John 3:1–15, focusing on what it truly means to be “born again.” Far from a religious cliché or moral superiority, being born again is about surrendering the false security of control, reputation, and self-defense in order to receive a new life through the Spirit. Jesus gently breaks down the defenses Nicodemus had built—his status as a male in a patriarchal society, his authority as a respected religious leader, and his success within a system that affirmed his worth. Like birth, it is vulnerable and disorienting—but it leads to true wholeness and freedom.
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Resources
Surrender to Love: Discovering the Heart of Christian Spirituality by David Brenner
Sermon Video
Sermon Text
John 3:1-15
Now there was a Pharisee, a man named Nicodemus who was a member of the Jewish ruling council. 2 He came to Jesus at night and said, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God. For no one could perform the signs you are doing if God were not with him.”
3 Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.[a]”
4 “How can someone be born when they are old?” Nicodemus asked. “Surely they cannot enter a second time into their mother’s womb to be born!”
5 Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. 6 Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. 7 You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’ 8 The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”
9 “How can this be?” Nicodemus asked.
10 “You are Israel’s teacher,” said Jesus, “and do you not understand these things? 11 Very truly I tell you, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do not accept our testimony. 12 I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things? 13 No one has ever gone into heaven except the one who came from heaven—the Son of Man. 14 Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, 15 that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him.”
Numbers 21:8-9
8 The Lord said to Moses, “Make a snake and put it up on a pole; anyone who is bitten can look at it and live.” 9 So Moses made a bronze snake and put it up on a pole. Then when anyone was bitten by a snake and looked at the bronze snake, they lived.
Sermon Quotes
We must declare again that shame is an enemy of [flourishing]. But the reluctance to be vulnerable and tell the truth about our lives and what has happened to us is understandable. Those with low hope in our research seem to be people who are terrified to be truly seen and known. Those with low hope let fear rule their lives. It is often connected to trauma or fear of not measuring up, but fear or anxiety becomes their closest friend. - Hope Rising
Such realities drive others to desperate compulsions. By trying to alleviate their fears they increase them; they see more and more they must control, more and more to worry about. Such an insistence creates anxiety and agitation. Indeed, when our response to the world is driven by a drive to control and hold, we will never be satisfied. And since our needs will not be satisfied, we try harder and harder, until we are so concentrated on the means that we lose sight of the end. We become like someone who buys merchandise in great extravagance to deal with his fear of bankruptcy. And then he becomes so afraid of burglars that he cannot leave his house. He becomes trapped in his own fear, for all his attempts to escape it. -Henri Nouwen
Discussion Questions
Why is it so difficult for people to start over—even when they know their current life isn’t working? What makes “new birth” feel threatening?
How do you long to “start over” in your own life? Are there things you wish you could go back and change, fix, or heal? Do you feel the strong pull of nostalgia? Do you hope to give your kids a better life than you had? These are all longings, I believe, to be born again.
What’s something in your life that makes you feel “safe,” but never actually gives you peace? How does it control you?
What defense mechanisms (perfectionism, achievement, overworking, etc.) do you lean on when you feel exposed or inadequate?
If Jesus met you one-on-one tonight, like He did with Nicodemus, what part of your life would He lovingly challenge or invite to change? How might you be “born again”?
In the wilderness, the people who were bitten by venomous snakes could look at the bronze snake “lifted up” and be saved from what was poisoning their bodies. In John’s Gospel, Jesus uses that same image to describe Himself—He says the Son of Man will be “lifted up,” referring to His crucifixion. He promises that if we look to Him, we will be healed from the sin that is poisoning our souls. How does this image change the way you think about sin—not just as bad behavior, but as something toxic and destructive inside us? And how does it reshape your understanding of grace and God's mercy—not as something earned, but simply received by looking to Jesus?
